How to get out of a downward spiral

The art and science of truly changing your habits, and by effect, your life.

The spiral

Every single time, when we plan for a self improvement arc, we imagine ourselves waking up tomorrow with infinite motivation, working on our goals for 10 hours straight, doing none of our bad habits, and absolutely smashing all our good habits with relentless conviction. We really think we can pull it off.

And then the sun rises. You wake up.

Except, you're stuck in the same old habitual loops, scrolling, binge-eating, netflix and chilling (huh?), sleeping in, all the while repeating to yourself you'll get it done tomorrow.

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

I've been there, and to some extent, still am. But after reading the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg - a book that was instrumental in overhauling my understanding of habit change - I was able to break out of the downward spiral of negative habits and find a tried-and-true approach to actually changing what we do on a day to day basis.

Okay, what should I do now?

If you truly want to do the things that will change your life, instead of just perpetually wishing about it, it's crucial you understand how exactly habits are formed, good and bad. Doing so will give you a much better idea on how to attack the sense of "stuckness" in your life, and actually start doing things differently. Much of what I discuss here is taken from the Power of Habit, so I highly recommend you to check that book out. Without further ado, let's discuss the mechanism of habit creation.

The Habit Mechanism

I'm gonna use the most common habit that all of us do to explain this habit cycle: compulsive phone-checking. A cue is a specific set of conditions that signal to our brain a certain need. The cue can be a specific time of the day, a sequence of thoughts or emotions, or even the presence of certain people. In the case of compulsive phone-checking, most commonly the cue is a sense of boredom. Boredom signals to our brain a need for stimulation to distract ourselves. This need releases the motivation molecule dopamine inside our brains, driving us to do the routine: open up our phone and check it for anything new. This leads to the reward: A temporary relief of boredom by offering content stimulation.

How anticipation of reward creates CRAVING

When this cycle gets repeated enough times, scientists at Yale found out that the brain starts anticipating the habit's reward. Meaning, the dopamine spike resulting from the habit's reward also appears before you even do the habit, when the right cues are present. This gives us the most powerful element of habit formation that drives the whole cycle: CRAVING. Have you ever noticed how (or at least some of us) start feeling anxious and on edge, until we finally check our phone, upon which a wave of small satisfaction washes over us? This is why habits are equally powerful in constructing and destructing our lives. The more you do good stuff, and feel good about it, the easier it becomes to do it again. I think the opposite scenario need not be said, yeah?'

So HOW DO we change our habits?

Let's clearly define our goals. All of us want more good habits, and less bad habits, yes (God it sounds like I'm talking to a 5 year old - but simplicity is powerful)? Here's what you need to understand. It is IMPOSSIBLE to just make new habits, or to only get rid of bad habits. Because concepts such as habit creation or destruction don't exist. Only habit replacement is ever-present. When you're starting a good habit, what you're doing is REPLACING a bad habit with a good one. For instance, if you are starting a new habit of working out everyday after work, chances are you previously spent that time being a couch-potato, eating takeaway while you binge on Netflix's latest. See what you did there? You replaced the habit of binging with exercising.

Okay, but why am I making the effort to explain that habit replacement only exists? Because it ties into the most scientifically recognized tactic to lasting habit change. And here it is. You can ONLY change your habits permanently if you keep the cue and the reward for a certain need the same, while altering the routine that lies sandwhiched in between. What on earth do I mean? Let's go back to the example on replacing binging after work with working out.

What's the cue that initiates a routine of binging after work? The feeling of being mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, thereby necessitating the need for relief and joy. In simple terms, to feel re-energized. And it does work. Overtime, we start dragging ourselves through work, because we so strongly crave these self-destructive rewards. So, we decide to make a change and start working out. Why do so most people quit after days of joining the gym, while others make it a lifelong endeavour? Back to the example.

The solution to habit change

Let's keep the cue the same: the feeling of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion following work. Let's also keep the reward the same: the need to feel re-energized, joyful and uplifted. Except, let's change the middling meat in the sandwhich: the routine. Instead of binging, we go hit the gym and exercise. The exercise floods our body with good neurochemicals, such as endorphins and serotonin. These neurotransmitters make you feel clear headed, less anxious, and most importantly, re-energized. Over time, these rewards from working out start to make you crave exercise after work instead of binging. The craving to work out drives a good habit loop, simultaneously destroying the craving for the negative habit loop of binging. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the simple but powerful antidote to everlasting habit change.

Final note

I'm going to end this blog on giving you an actionable step you can do right now. Take out a pen, and a piece of paper. Identify one bad habit you're doing on a daily basis and write down the cue, routine, and reward for the habit. You know your cues and rewards. Now, write down one good habit you want to develop in your life. Something that you can stick to on a consistent basis. Be it meditating, gymming, reading, journalling or learning something.

random pic - im out of ideas

Make sure the new habit you're developing fulfills the reward of the old habit you're trying to replace- at least in some way. It's impossible to try to build the habit of reading up on quantum mechanics after slogging through 8 hours of work every day. Because the habit of reading on quantum mechanics does not fulfill the need for relief and joy. You need to find a habit that:

1. Provides a similar reward to the old negative habit (but is actually good).

2. Induces a craving strong enough to overpower the craving for the old habit.

   
   

   Finally, write down the most specific statement you have ever done in your life on what is the alternative routine - the habit you wish to build - you will carry out when the exact same cues arise. Be as detailed as you can with the cues, and the action you will take in its stead. This helps you be aware of the need to choose a different response to the same cues that once dictated your daily life. Then, take your time to savour the well-earned feeling of pride and accomplishment upon changing your habit. That creates the craving to reinforce your positive habit, which is the straw that will break the camel's back, and push you towards the life you want to live.